I'm only twenty-two and I've already established myself as the go-to relationship advice girl amongst my friends. And I'm not sure whether to be offended or honored. But when looking at my dating history, I cant blame my peers for noticing elaborate experience in the dating world.
My love life began in at age 12, and it has not ended since. I looked for love in all sorts of guys, I am definitely not one to have a "type." Each relationship was as different as the boys were, and I was different with each of them as well. Since one spark ignited before the last had smothered, during such an important time in my maturity, my dating life had quickly become my ONLY life. Sure there was cheer leading and girlfriends, but I had always been influenced by the boy attached to my hip, and now I wonder who I would have turned into had I only been influenced by my self.
My first puppy love was a hot ticket in middle school and after 1.5 years of holding hands and kissy faces I was dumped -- twice -- as he left me for an even hotter ticket. From this very first love, and embarrassing display of desperation, I learned it really is not in my best interest to get back together with a boy who cheated on me and proceeded to dump me, time after time. I must admit, however, that I have blamed this boy for future infidelities on my part.
After a one week relationship in the eighth grade, I learned not to date a good friend. We were better off being skater buddies and going on adventures.
When I broke up with one pre-adolescent boy for another later that year, I learned it never works out when you screw someone over to run off with another fella. And I'm happy to say I haven't done it since.
Well the list goes on and on, with the next boyfriend more serious then the last, thanks to the lessons I have learned along the way.
Here is what I've learned from a variety of boys:
Shy and Sweet: If you know its over, don't dwell, just man up and end it.
Drama Lover: Break ups in the rain may have a cinematic touch but the over dramatization really isn't worth it...
The Older Guy: Never feel afraid to say "no." I may have cried after he dumped me for not sleeping with him, but I enjoyed the word getting around that hopefuls should just shove it and give up.
Cool Jock: First of all, don't fuck with the nice guys. Secondly, when the relationship is over, make sure it stays over. No grey area allowed.
Emo Musician: Follow your heart. Don't be together because it looks good on paper. Also, I learned first hand that a man should love you for exactly who you are (Juno), never try to change anyone into anything they're not. It will never work out.
So here I am today, toying with the idea that I can be a relationship expert offering advice only because I've had so many failed relationships. So I invite you, fellow web surfers, make my day and ask for advice on your love lives!
The catalyst behind today's post is my friend Ray. It was the first time I was asked relationship advice about a situation that I am currently in. This only validated my own actions and thus prompted me and my ego to have high hopes in the evolution of my love life.
Recently out of a four year, long distance relationship (taking place during college, me in NorCal, him in SoCal), the advice expelling from my fingertips has matured far past the seventh grade. We separated because the sparks had died. My father told me this wasn't a sufficient reason to end it, "fireworks cannot last forever," he rationalized, but I'm only twenty-two! That is far too young to be trying to extract electricity from a bulb that's already dull. When we parted I finally decided to remain free and unattached, to discover myself and live a life independent of any other person. Not give a shit what anyone else wants to do, only selfishly fulfill my desires. And it was amazing. Not having to ask someone, "what do you want to do?" or "are you having fun, should we go someplace else?" I had even begun to blow off my girlfriends because I was so in to pleasing myself. They had understood, of course, and accepted my inner hippie.
Along the way I met a guy unlike any I had ever known. I found myself making presumptions, assuming he'd have a problem with me hanging with other male friends, or that I owed him anything after treating me to a night out, or that he would think less of me if I acted in a way that was true to my soul but against the norm. He surprised me with every response; "if that is what you want, then I want you to have it," he'd say, "it tells me a lot more about you, and us, rather then you behaving in a way to humor or protect me." Though shocked, I eventually realized that every rationalization out of his mouth made perfect sense, but seemed so unreal.
He adored my mission to find myself, and instead of holding me back -- which was what I had been used to the past four years -- he helped me find my way. I cannot even connect to the girl I used to be, and from this budding relationship I've already learned the significance of trust and honesty. Something, most would say, that is usually learned early on in dating life.
We mutually decided to refrain from the title of "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." Almost four months into it, we're having fun being with each other because of the sheer joy of each others company. No obligations; one of us could hook up with another person tonight. And if he wanted to do that then I want him to do it too; it would show me exactly where we stand. Which, if that were the case, would be with a stick up his urethra.
I have never before felt such pride for my dating history. I have some bad stories, happy stories, and scary stories, and maybe I'll share them on another entry. Otherwise, I'm open to share whilst giving advice! Cheers~
